Drove the car to the garage in Tollcross today for its MOT and service, and walked home. It’s about 1.4 km away: I walked very slowly, stopping twice to sit and rest for 10 minutes or so. Last year I was too sick to do this myself; I had to ask K to take it for me. So I’m happy, and a bit excited, that I’m well enough now to be able to do it, and to walk back not take the bus, and for it to not seem a huge deal – but still wary about how much of a deal it is. Because I don’t know what my new baseline is, what my new limits are. This bit of life admin is one of the most biggest I’ve done in 2 years, since the last time I took the car for its MOT myself, in 2024. When I got home this morning I felt completely exhausted, drained, and had to lie down most of the rest of the day. So I’m pacing it by going back to collect the car tomorrow, to cut in half the exertion each day. 

But it felt amazing to walk along on the canal towpath, in the cold, crisp winter morning air – not just the first time I’ve done that walk in two years, experiencing somewhere different, but also probably the first time I’ve been out so early in all that time. Walking so slowly, slowly; passed by all the bike and running commuters, and the kids hurrying to the high school. Going past the school entrance as they were all rushing in, I felt uneasy, though. It’s been a lot of years since I was indoors in a busy crowd like that, with hundreds of people. I feel some fear about the idea of being among such a crowd, indoors, no ventilation. That world seems so far away.